No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
