what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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