Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
