Ketchup is God's man juice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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