they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
