Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
