oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
