in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
