I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
