yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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