Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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