ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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