You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
