ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you didnt know i had herpes?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
