my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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