I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize