Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
