her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I didn't notice because vodka
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
