The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
