Who did Billy Mays play for?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
