You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
