somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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