You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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