Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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