What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
