First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
