I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
