im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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