from now on my penis is your penis
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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