I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.