YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing