Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
