You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This toilet bowl is my home.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
