i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
