haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
