I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
