It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
