Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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