Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
