God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
