paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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