Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
