i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
