D3 body, D1 cock
Nicole vs. Life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
