I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
