ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
