please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
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Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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