so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
