You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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