i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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