i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
