Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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