you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
