I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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