Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
